Titillating Conversation Part 2

Okie dokie, my darlings... we are gathered here today, in the presence of hopefully no one, to figure out more about your breasts and your bra size. I am assuming that you are sitting at the computer in your best-fitting, unpadded bra. If you have a husband or best friend to help you with the measuring part, it's not a bad idea. If you don't, I will be with you every step of the way.

Let's Measure!

Now that you have written down your numbers and checked the graph for your cup size, how many of you are spitting and sputtering at me on the computer? Many times when I measure someone, she is in disbelief at what size I recommend. It's not until I get women in the right bra that they become believers.

As you all know, bras come in a lot of sizes. Manufacturers like to scale down what they make so a lot of women fit the cups and don't pay attention to the fact that they are buying a bra that is too big around. Or worse yet, they fit their band size and let lots of breast spill over. Neither is a good thing.

How would you like it if some shoe manufacturers decided to just make sizes 6, 8, and 10. A bunch of us would be forced to squish our feet into shoes that are too small or slop around in ones that are too big. That's kind of what the bra industry does to ladies and that's why you need to know what size you are in my Perfect Fifi Bra World.

A dear friend of mine who is tallish and enviably slender let me measure her a few years back. I told her that she was not the 34B or 32C she thought she was. As it turned out, she measured as a 30D or possibly a 30DD in some styles. Of course she had never heard of those sizes, but I assured her that they DO exist. She actually was close with the 32C when she could find them, but herein lies the problem: The cups on a 32C and a 30D are exactly the same, but where they are sewn onto the band is different. The 30D placed the cups precisely where her breasts are located on her body.

The size she needs is available, but not as easily. They don't carry it at Target or Wal-Mart or even Macy's. But there is this wonderful thing called the Internet (where you will find LoveFifi.com) that can help you find more custom sizes. Finding your true size is not only infinitely more comfortable, but also does fantastic things for your figure. I will help you find the style and size of bra that you need no matter where I have to look. If we don't have it, maybe I can order it special just for you. If some other retailer has what you need, I will give you the information.

After we calculate your size, there is a little more to it. Your height and build can have an impact on a good bra fit. Doing the numbers can give you your perfect bra size, but sometimes it just gets you in "the neighborhood". It's a good start, however, and that's where I come in. Write to me. Tell me about your build. I want to know what you have trouble with, what you like in a bra and what you don't like. If you wear a particular bra regularly please tell me what it is. Style numbers and manufacturer info will help.

I am here for my ladies... and my guys, too, so let's talk. If you cross dress or are transsexual, I can help you find your dream bra. Don't be shy, any of you. I am here with an open mind and open arms. I have worked with cancer victims for years and can help with the dilemmas associated with losing a breast or breasts or finding a bra after a lumpectomy.

I look forward to hearing from you. Send me those numbers!

Titillating Conversation

I am very proud to say that I have long been considered an expert in the field of bras. This is both a point of pride and a curse all at the same time. No matter what I do or where I go, I look at women's breasts. I have to do it discreetly, of course, but I can't help it. So many women wear bras that are the wrong size, the wrong type for their body or too old to do their bustlines any good. Often times it is all the above.

For decades, I have been involved in changing all that, one set of boobies at a time. Once women know what I do, they tell me their bra woes no matter where we are having the conversation. Often they will pull their blouses up to their neck so I can get a first hand look at the problem. I have done bra critiques in elevators, hotel hallways and hundreds of Ladies' Rooms. I carry a tape measure always so I can do my bra missionary work at a moment's notice. Women are so grateful for my advice and recommendations.

I often will hear from them afterwards when they have followed my instructions as to the right bra and the right SIZE. I have been told that the experience was "life changing". It feels so good every time I add a new girl to my Fifi flock. The work I do is not extraordinary. It's what I do and I do it well, but I am not the Mother Theresa of my field, by any means. I am more of the Richard Simmons of bras. I get my followers motivated to find the support and shape they need to feel prettier and much of the time look thinner. I give women confidence and comfort with their bodies and that makes me very happy.

It is estimated that 75% of females are buying the wrong size bra. It's at least that much. I see it every day and I just want to go up to these poor ladies and whisk them away to the nearest broom closet and see what monstrosity they are wearing under their clothes.

I can't do that, of course, but I can certainly make sure that all my Fifi readers get educated. You see, my sweethearts, this is not your fault. The way stores merchandise bras these days is an atrocity. If you are not buying your bras from me, you have to "wing it" in the lingerie department. You must struggle through rack after congested rack of bras, all the while wrestling with those nasty little plastic hangers to look for what you think is your size. It's not fun.

Back in the Stone Age when I got my first bra,the Bra Department was a beautiful place with walls of built -in drawers that kept all the stock neatly nested in tissue, organized by size. A lovely and knowledgeable woman probably named Helen or Beatrice measured you, assessed your frame and then opened up each drawer with your size in it and made suggestions as to style. Then you tried them on and she came in and adjusted the back and the straps. When was the last time you tried on a bra in a department store? If you answered never, you are not alone. You'd try on a dress or a pair of shoes before you bought it, but rarely a bra. Here's where the problem lies and here's what we are going to do.

I am sending you all to Miss Fifi's Bra Academy. I want you all to meet me back here next week wearing your best fitting unpadded bra. You will need to bring something to write with and some paper. I am going to educate you, measure you, fit you and teach you the warning signs of an ill-fitting bra. After you learn the ins, outs, ups and downs of finding the right bra you will be forever looking at other women and noticing every bad bra in town. I told you it was a curse, but then you can help your circle of "sisters" get into a bra that does their body a big favor. And there is a BONUS to attending my short course next week. I will give you my personal contact information so we can talk. You give me the numbers and I will figure out your figure personally.

Next Saturday... same time, same place. Don't forget the tape measure! You need the cloth "seamstress" type, not the one from the garage.

My Darling Readers

Wow, what a week! I have been in Las Vegas for the last 3 days shopping for new merchandise for LoveFifi. It’s been both exciting and exhausting. For those of you who have ever walked the endless aisles of a trade show, you know what I am talking about. Try 3 trade shows in 3 days. I am pooped.

I am on my way back to LA and I am texting this love letter to let you know what’s up. Don’t worry, I am not texting and driving. I completeIy let go of the wheel when I text in the car. Just kidding. I am being driven.

I have a funny article in the works, but I am afraid it will have to wait until next week. I hope your week was as successful and happy as mine. Have a lovely weekend. I plan to spend the entire weekend doing absolutely NOTHING. I can’t wait.

Hugs and kisses.

BIG NEWS!

I recently lost some weight and everyone noticed, but not in the way I expected. It’s very different when you are 20-something and drop noticeable poundage. People assume it is vanity, or a big occasion or a reckless life style or a new man. When we get into our mid-30s through our 40s, we ladies fight the battles of a slower metabolism, hormonal changes, raising families and demanding careers that can pack on pounds. If you lose weight at this age, it can be credited to midlife crisis, finding yourself and making room for “me” time or being back in the dating game after a divorce.

Now if you are over 50, like yours truly, it’s a whole different ball game. I dropped some weight on purpose and the responses were so odd. A man friend who I have known for over 30 years, noticed immediately and gave me a congratulatory hug for my new look. But he ruined it all by adding that it will be easier for me to attract a man now that I am thinner. I was speechless. First of all, I was always proportionate and curvy. I am still built the same way only a bit smaller. Secondly, I have never had a minute’s problem attracting men no matter what my size or age. And to be brutally honest, attracting a man in my age group doesn't have as much to do with figure shape and beauty as it does with the ability to have stimulating conversations and enjoy common interests. And if a girl can cook and has ESPN, you are a virtual goddess.

I next encountered an acquaintance that threw her arms around me and whispered softly words that I never expected to hear. “Are you well, darling? I hope it’s nothing serious”. Good grief! She thought I was sick. She evidently has no idea how sick I would have to be to not be interested in eating. I am trying to think about that last statement and come up with an answer. Let’s see… how ill would I have to be to not want to eat? Unconscious is all I can come up with.

Only last week I ran into one of my neighbors who I had not seen for a while. She was quite surprised to see a smaller me. “Look at you! So how’s your business doing, honey?” she inquired with a concerned look on her face. Not “You look great”, or “You look younger” or healthier or anything close. She thought maybe I lost weight because I was so stressed out because the business was failing or I didn’t have money for groceries or some other ridiculous thought. “Everything is great. The business is doing wonderfully well, but thanks for asking”, I replied.

For the record, I lost weight for two reasons. My doctor nags me all the time about 15 or 20 lbs. I never hear the end of it. If I go see him because my knee hurts, it’s because I am too fat. If I am having trouble sleeping at night, it’s because I am too fat. If I have bronchitis, he tells me I’m too fat as he is writing out the prescription for Amoxicillin. It’s always the same no matter what I am there for. The second reason is that I decided it would be better for me all around if I lost a few pounds and actually fit into the clothes I own.

I have always been a curvy girl and I have always been happy with me. Maybe I was before my time, but I never felt compelled to diet into a size 6. The last time I was a size 6, I was 6. Been there, done that. Now I live in my size 14 world with great conviction.

I was something of a pioneer in my industry when it came to the plus sized body. I designed lingerie for the fuller figure decades ago. As you know, we have a fantastic array of plus size merchandise on LoveFifi.com. As a matter of fact, we are currently re-photographing our entire plus department on plus sized models. Yeah!

This girl has always been comfortable with being in the double digit size range my entire adult life. I have never been, or wanted to be, skinny and I have done a fine job of that never happening. There are times when I want to weigh less, but I preserve my curves and remain proud. When you’re beauti-FULL, as I call it, you have to have a thick skin to go along with your thicker figure. I don’t even mind some of the jokes. What is it called when fat people go skinny dipping? Chunky dunking… pretty cute, huh?

I am so excited about the new attitude and bold confidence of the plus sized girls in today’s world. They wear their fuller figures like badge of honor. They dress the way they want. They flaunt it and they know how to enter a room with panache like nobody’s business. They love their curves! One of my idols, Miss Mae West, was known for her hourglass body. Here’s what Miss Mae said on the subject. “Cultivate your curves-they may be dangerous, but they won’t be avoided”.

If you are not aware, there is a proud army of plus-sized women fighting hard to be recognized and counted with all the other beautiful women in the universe. There is a “curvy girl” revolution going on and I want to sign up for active duty. I say a big “BRAVO!” to those ladies who are true to themselves and fearless about their bodies. Whether you call it being self-assured, uninhibited or having swagger, it’s all awesome. I have to indulge once again in the words of my beloved Mae who wrote the book on how to “work it”.

“It isn’t what I do, but how I do it. It isn’t what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do and say it!”
~Mae West

Stupid Cupid

Valentine's Day. Many of you are looking forward to flowers, candy, lingerie, and LOVE. It’s all so dreamy... or is it?

I hate to be blunt (oh, I don't really, but it sounds nice), but what if you don't HAVE a Valentine at the moment? I don't have to tell you that in life (and dancing), timing is everything.

It can all be pretty depressing if you don't have a "significant other" right now. It's not like you can escape the reminders either...

I was at the supermarket the other day. There were signs and banners all over the store with little cupids reminding me to remember my Valentine. Forgive my stupidity, but what token of my undying love am I supposed to purchase from the grocery store? Let me see... "Darling, I love you. I got you a rump roast."

So, maybe you are in between sweethearts. It can happen. What are you supposed to do? Go into a hole until Valentine's Day passes and all the cooing and kissing are over? I think not. And besides, there is too much good chocolate floating around right now to even think about disappearing.

Don't tell her that I told you, but my sister just dumped her boyfriend. I am actually not sure if she was the dumper or the dumpee, but it doesn't really matter. She’s in a funk.

As it happens, my Valentine is out of town on February 14th, so I am taking this opportunity to teach my sister that being Valentine-less is not fatal.

She suggested that I come over to her house and watch "Wheel of Fortune" and order a pizza. Well, as enchanting as it sounds to eat dinner from a cardboard box and be cooped up with an angry woman and Pat Sajak, I took a big pass.

We are going out to dinner, just sister and me. She loves the ocean, so I have made a reservation at a lovely seaside restaurant. We will dress up and look beautiful. I will make the effort to mention to her how small her butt looks in the outfit she is wearing. If I am struck by lightning as the words come out, it will be worth it to make her happy. We will laugh and dine and do wicked fashion critiques on every unsuspecting person that walks through the door. No one will be safe!

The best part is that since I am her date, she won't have to do her "eat like a bird" routine. Being able to order two desserts without guilt makes up for a lot.

When it is all over, we will have laughed until our faces hurt, eaten up all of our fat grams through the month of April, and spent an evening with someone we love. It doesn't get much better than that!

For any of you who have not yet purchased anything for your special someone, please don't run out and buy something stupid at Walgreen's to try to keep out of trouble. There is nothing there that can save you. What you can do is trust in Miss Fifi to save the day. Go find some decent looking note paper and write your darling one a love letter. In this world of texts and informal communication, a love letter is a rarity. Tell that person in your own words why they mean so much to you. Remind them of special times you've had together. Channel your most romantic self and be generous with your words. When you hand them the letter, tell them that the day belongs to them and you want to do whatever they want to do. No Valentine is better than words from your own heart and hand. Nothing feels better than to spend a day doing whatever sounds like fun. It would also be nice if you bought some lovelies from my site. Surprise her by sending them or surprise him by wearing them. It's all good and I am taking my sister to a fancy seafood restaurant and I could use the money.

Happy Valentines Day!

Fifi Tells All

I get questions everyday ranging from “what is charmeuse?”(it’s a drape-able satin) to “how can I get this boyfriend of mine to marry me?” I answer every letter myself, I swear. I do not have a big staff who pretends to be me. There is really only one Fifi. Anyway, there are certain questions that I get asked over and over again. So, I was thinking (I do this occasionally) how fun it would be to reveal the top 5 things that my readers just had to know. I hope you enjoy it and maybe learn something, too.

I think I'll do this David Letterman-style, so here goes!

FIFI'S 5 MOST ASKED QUESTIONS

5. Why do you sell plus size lingerie, but show it on little models?

The decision to photograph most of our styles on small size models is because if we like a style we will offer it in a full range of sizes, for example, in Small to 3X. Now, if we show it on a size 8 model, we are fairly sure a size 16 will have a pretty good idea of what it will look like on her. I, myself have been both a size 8 and a 16, so I would know. Now, would a size 6 girl be able to relate to what a garment looks like on a size 16? Studies show that the answer is clearly “no”. I get a lot of mail from ladies who are not happy that I don’t show very many big girls in our lingerie. Most of you know that I am not exactly built like a pixie, so if you want to be mad at someone, be mad at me. You know I believe that numbers don’t count when it comes to being beautiful and sexy. It’s not about age and it’s not about weight, when it comes to real life. This is about displaying and presenting the product so it is understood by the consumer. If you don’t stop whining, I will start modeling this stuff myself and then you will be sorry!

4. How can I get my wife/ girlfriend to wear lingerie for me?

I get this one all the time. Usually they let me know that she has put on a few pounds, or has just had a baby, etc. etc... and these sweet guys always explain that they think their girl is beautiful and sexy even though she is not happy with her body at the moment. I always write back and ask them if they have told her what they just told me. I always suggest that they need to do more than just buy her a lace chemise and hope she gets the hint. I try to let them know that he wants to get her to dress for the romantic occasion, not wear lingerie for him. The experience benefits the both of them. If she has cold feet about wearing something sexy, then he needs to remind her that she is always beautiful to him. Arrange for some uninterrupted time with her. Turn off the TV, light some candles in the bedroom and arrange the bed so it is inviting. I gently suggest that he take a shower and put on his best boxers and then call her into the romantic setting he has created. Women are smart and they react positively to inspiration. I am proud to say that I have gotten some wonderful letters from men who followed my “recipe” and not only had a wonderful romantic interlude with their significant other, but learned a little about re-building self esteem.

“I get mail from ladies who are not happy that I don't show very many big girls in our lingerie.”

3. I am in an all-male play and I am portraying a woman. Can you help me order some under-things for the production?

Of course I can, but can you stop telling me silly stories? This is Miss Fifi. You don’t have to tell me that you are in a play or that you lost a bet with your buddies and have to dress like a woman for a week. I have heard it all and I don’t care. If you like to wear my beautiful things, that is good enough for me. So save for stories for someone else, Sweetie. Just tell me your “boy” sizes and we will get you everything you need. I love ALL my customers, darling. You should know that by now.

2. How do I measure for a bra?

Follow these simple directions.

Fifi’s Perfect Fit Bra Size Finder
Getting Started, You will need the following:

• A full-length mirror
• Tape measure (use the soft cloth or plastic covered cloth kind like seamstresses use. Don't use metal, plastic or paper tape measures.)
• Your best fitting, unpadded bra
• You can measure yourself, but for best results, have a friend help you (Put that boyfriend, husband or significant other to work)
• Time to Measure!

Measurement #1: Under The Bust First measure around your ribcage, directly under your bustline. The tape should be snug and must be absolutely straight in the back. Use your mirror or your helper to ensure this. If you come up with a half measurement, like 32 1/2, round UP (in this case, to 33). If you measure between a whole number and a fraction, for example between 32" and 32 1/2", round DOWN (in this case, to 32). This is your frame size. Write it down.

Measurement #2: Across The Bust Stand up very straight. Measure at the widest part of your bustline, over the nipples. The measurement should be relaxed, not snug. Again, be sure the tape is straight across the back. If you come up with a fractional measurement, under 1/2", round down. If you measure 1/2" or more, round up. This is your cup size. Write it down.

Now... subtract your step 1 number from your step 2 number. If the difference is

• Up to 1" larger: A cup
• Up to 2" larger: B cup
• Up to 3" larger: C cup
• Up to 4" larger: D cup
• Up to 5" larger: DD cup
• Up to 6" larger: F cup
• Up to 7" larger: FF cup
• Up to 8" larger: G cup

Remember: every body and bustline are different. Measuring correctly may give you your size immediately, but sometimes there are conditions that affect your fit. If you answer "Yes" to any of the questions below, it is best to write me at fifi@lovefifi.com, and be sure to include your measurements and an explanation of your particular fit problems.

• Are you shorter than 5'2" or taller than 5'9"?
• Do you have an athletic or muscular build?
• Are your breasts set wide apart?
• Are your breasts different sizes?
• Are your breasts elongated, or do they appear "empty"?
• Do you like to wear your bras to fit loose around your rib cage?

You can also refer to my Easy-Peasy Measuring Intstructions, if you need a visual.

1. What is the difference between a thong and a G-String?

Believe it or not, these are the most confusing garments in the world of intimate apparel. A G-STRING was created in the early part of the 20th century for use in burlesque. It is basically a triangle of cloth with a string around the waist joined by one that runs up the back. Its sole purpose is frontal coverage with as little in the back as possible. The THONG, conceived in the early 70s, was created at a time when a perky bottom and "no panty lines" were big fashion news. A thong is similar to a G-String in front, but the back is wider and it is tapered and contoured to round out the behind.