Most every morning of my life begins with a big mug of freshly brewed coffee. I then curl up on the sofa with my dogs to watch the news. The top stories for days have been about the heavy snows throughout most of the country and the crazy unseasonably warm weather in California. I watch the footage of bundled up people trying to make paths to their homes and cars and can’t even imagine what that is like. I have friends and family who live in the Midwest and on the East Coast, and I know they are struggling just to get to work. It all makes me feel so guilty.
First of all, let me tell you that I am not happy about this heat wave. It has been high 70s to low 80s for 2 weeks now. I want my winter! When I say my winter, I mean the kind I have always known. Cool, crispy, sweater weather. I was born in Los Angeles and the only snow I ever saw was when my mom and dad would take us on a day trip to the mountains to build a snowman and throw snowballs at my siblings. I have always liked the winter months. I appreciate winter food, like soups and stews and hot chocolate. It is by no accident that I have never even rented an apartment that doesn’t have a fireplace and of course, I bought a home with a lovely hearth. I make a fire every night I am home from fall through winter. Unfortunately, I have to turn the air conditioning on at the same time in recent days.
It really plays with your mind and your time when the seasons don’t cooperate. Right after Thanksgiving I painstakingly put all my sexy sandals and blingy flip flops in storage to make room in my closet. Now it’s 80 degrees outside and I keep thinking it’s only temporary, so I am stuck wearing closed toe shoes until this damn weather figures itself out. I shouldn’t complain. I don’t have to shovel snow, or defrost my car door locks or do anything that most of the country is forced to do. Right now, I can sit out on my back patio with very little clothing on in January without being the slightest bit chilly. It may sound lovely if you live in Buffalo, but I get more than enough warm weather in the summer months. I have adorable wool hats and scarves just waiting to be worn and I am fearful that it may not happen. This ridiculous warm weather doesn’t seem to have an end.
I admire the pioneer spirit of all the folks who carry on their lives during snow storms. I traveled to the East Coast for business every 2 months for decades. I have had my fair share of trying to get around a snowy city to do business. I am no stranger to canceled flights and icy sidewalks. I remember my first experience with “black ice”. You don’t know it’s there until you step on it. It’s bad enough when it’s you, but when you watch elderly people doing bad James Brown impressions down Madison Avenue, it’s really sad. Although I am German, English and Scottish, I am just not built for snowstorms. The only blizzard I can deal with is the kind that comes from Dairy Queen. I am too much of a candy-butt to power through the snow on a daily basis.
All of you who treat it like part of life deserve all the rewards that come with it. I will never wake up to a white Christmas at home, or be able lay down in my yard and make a snow angel. I can’t cuddle up with my husband and watch the snowflakes fall while the fire roars. I actually don’t have a husband OR snow where I live, but it is far more likely that I will have a snowmobile in my driveway before I have the other.
When you don’t grow up in cold weather, you miss out on a lot. A few years ago, one of my dearest friends and I were had dinner in NYC. As we walked to his car so he could drive me back to my hotel, we kept going in circles until we realized that his car had been stolen. I saw him the next day after the theft, and the police had already found the car, stripped to the frame. The only thing he was upset about was that his favorite snow scraper was in the trunk and now it was gone. He went on and on about how this scraper was the best one ever with all the bells and whistles. So I set out to find him the most deluxe, amazing state-of–the-art-snow-thingy ever. Sounds simple, right? I walked into this giant hardware place and realized that I had no idea what one of these gadgets even looked like. I timidly asked a clerk where the snow scrapers were. He immediately asked me if I wanted one with a chisel or a snow brush. I said “yes” and pretended that I knew what he was talking about. I did have on a very stylish wool coat and killer cute faux-fur-topped boots, so I looked like I belonged. I went to the aisle he told me and I was more confused than ever. I finally had to bare my soul and confess that I was from LA and that I needed the Star Wars equivalent of a snow scraper for a very dear friend. After he got finished chuckling, I got a comprehensive lesson in the finest tools available to remove ice and snow from car windshields. I bought my friend the most spectacular combination ice chisel/snow brush with a telescoping handle in the most gorgeous shade of fluorescent orange. My friend was completely delighted and also very amused. I sang “Ice, Ice, Baby” and danced while he opened up the bag. Presentation is everything, you know.
I have always thought that there is something very romantic about snowy conditions. Ever since I saw Dr. Zhivago, I have been enamored with the thought of falling in love in bone-chilling weather. A hug has to be twice as delicious when two shivering bodies embrace and create mutual warmth. In the movies, when you see lovers toast with glasses of fine spirits on a cold night, you can feel the passion ignite as they sip and look into each other’s eyes. It just doesn’t happen that way on a warm California day in freakin’ JANUARY.
So, to all of you who are wishing you were in Southern California instead of say... Minnesota, stop wishing. It’s not so great. The flowers are confused. They think it’s April. The news even said that the bears are messed up and coming out of hibernation early because of this crazy warm weather. What’s worse, is that I am confused. Do I pack up my sweaters and Ugg boots? Do I reclaim my flip flop wardrobe from the garage? For now I will just send all my dear readers who are battling the elements bunches of love. Keep warm and know that I think you rock.
