I never told you, but I am rich. I don’t have tons of money, but I do have some of the best jokes and funny sayings in the world rattling around in my head. I have such respect for all things clever that when I hear something good, I always remember it. People think I am a fabulous conversationalist and quite hilarious because I love to slip in these pearls of wisdom whenever I can. You see, I have the whole world writing my material for me, so how could I sound anything but brilliant?
I have a collection of great “one-liners” that I pull out of my mental filing cabinet. I have no idea who really came up with these gems, because if I did, I would give them due credit. But since most of my favorites are author-less, I will just share them so all of us can enjoy and LAUGH and feel good. Socrates and Plato were great philosophers, but some pretty great stuff has come from just regular folks like us.
- Some days are a waste of make-up
- Learn from the mistakes of others. We can’t live long enough to make them all ourselves.
- If you are too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- If you must choose between 2 evils, pick the one you’ve never done before.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
- Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- There is always one more idiot than you counted on.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you make ends meet, someone moves the ends.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Are you smiling? I hope so. Did you know that humans are the only creatures on earth who can laugh? It's true. Do it often
