I get lots of sweet emails from you, my readers, telling me how I made you laugh over Sunday coffee. I had one sweet lady write to say that I make her giggle so much that she had to keep from peeing her pants, which is the highest possible compliment you can give a silly person. So now I have a confession. I am not the only funny writer in the world. I wanted you to think as much so you will never leave me, but there are some very hilarious people out there who can also make you laugh with words.
A friend of mine sent me this piece that I thought was completely adorable. No one knows who the author is, but he is my kind of guy. I suggest that when you read it, you do it with your best country accent. It is really a cute little poem and reminds me of so many men who are timid about shopping for ladies intimate apparel. Y'all enjoy and I will catch up with you again at the end.
The Cowboy
I ain't much for shopping,
Nor even goin' into town -
Except at cattle-shipping time,
I ain't easily found.
But the day came when I had to go
And I left the kids with ma.
But before I left she asked me,
"Would you pick me up a bra?"
Without thinkin' I said "Sure,"
How tough could that job be?
I bent down and kissed her
And said, "I'll be back by three"
Well, when I done the things I needed,
I started to regret
Ever offering to buy that thing,
I was working up a sweat.
I crossed the street to the ladies shop
With my hat pulled over my eyes,
I wasn't takin' any chances
On bein' recognized.
I walked up to the sales clerk -
I didn't hem or haw -
I told the lady right straight out,
"Ma'am, I'm here to buy a bra."
From behind I heard some snickers,
So I turned around to see
A dozen women in the store
And they's all gawkin' at me!
"What kind would you be looking for?"
"Well," I just scratched my head.
I'd only seen one kind before
"Thought bras was bras," I said.
She gives me a disgusted look,
"Well sir, that's where you're wrong.
Come with me," I heard her say,
And like a dog, I tagged along.
She took me down this alley
Where bras was on display.
Well, I thought my jaw'd hit the floor
When I seen that lingerie.
They had all these different styles
That I'd not seen before
I thought that I'd go crazy
'fore I left that women's store.
They had bras you wear for eighteen hours
And bras that cross your heart.
There was bras that lift and separate,
And that was just the start.
They had bras that made you feel
Like you weren't wearing one at all,
And bras that you can train in
When you start off when you're small.
Well, I finally make my mind up -
Picked a black and lacy one -
I told the lady, "Bag it up,"
And figured I was done
But then she asked me for the size.
I didn't hesitate.
I knew them measurements by heart,
"A six-and-seven-eighths."
"Six and seven eighths, well sir,
That really isn't right."
"Oh, yes ma'am!
Yeah, I'm positive,
I just measured them last night."
I thought that she'd go into shock,
Musta took her by surprise
When I told her that my wife's bust
Was the same as my hat size.
"That's what I used to measure with,
I figured it was fair,
But if I'm wrong, I'm sorry ma'am."
This drew another stare.
By now a crowd had gathered
And they's all crackin' up
When the lady asked to see my hat,
To measure for the cup.
When she finally had it figured,
I gave the gal her pay.
Then I turned to leave the store,
Tipped my hat and said, "Good day."
My wife heard the whole story
'fore I ever made it home.
She'd talked to all her lady friends
Who'd called her on the phone.
She was still a-laughin'
But by then I didn't care.
Now she don't ask and
I don't shop for no more women's underwear.
Not that measuring for a bra with your husband's hat isn’t ingenious, but there are better ways. If you aren’t sure what size you really are, write to me. We are having a fabulous BRA EVENT next week and I want you to buy the right size. I recently printed the measuring instructions and they are always on the site, but here they are again so you can find out once and for all if you are really wearing the correct size. Send me the numbers and we will talk. It always helps to send your height and the size jeans you buy. Don't ask why... trust me. But before you do, put on one of your best fitting unpadded bras. Take a measuring tape and measure under your bustline, (make the tape tight—it should feel like the tightness you like your bras). Then measure over your bust across the nipples, (make this a more relaxed measurement, not tight). Make sure the tape is straight in back. Send me the numbers and the size you currently buy. I will give you a personal bra size analysis and send it to you. Or you can use a cowboy hat. It’s up to you.
