I have begun a food program. You know the one I mean. They have celebrity spokespeople who used to be chubby bunnies and are now svelte. This famous plan has weekly meetings where you weigh in and then sit in a group and talk about what you ate all week. You are not allowed to call it a “diet” under any circumstances. I don’t know who they think they are kidding, because if I have to write down what I ate and do math, it’s a DIET. The whole concept revolves around the theory that you can eat anything you want, you just have to use portion control. It's a nice theory, but I really think that they should give you a thimble as part of the equipment so you can measure out the eclairs and beef stroganoff properly.
Well, I just completed my first month for the 27th time. I have joined this program so often that I am surprised that my photo isn't in the lobby. But, I know it works and hopefully this time it will.
"Our lecturer lost a whole person—148 lbs."
The weigh-in process is pretty interesting. You have to get in line with people who are saving each other’s places while they run into the bathroom one last time. I don't know how much pee weighs, but unless you are Clydesdale, I honestly don't think it matters that much. Besides that, people started disrobing before my eyes. Shoes, socks, jackets, watches, cell phones, earrings... you name it. One guy even took a pack of gum out of his pocket before getting weighed. They have little cubicles where a staff member weighs you in. This person is an ex-fatty who is there to commend your losses and explain away any gains. They will not allow you to feel bad if your weight should go up. It’s water weight, or the time of day, or the phase of the moon or the wind that is responsible. Thank goodness I didn't blurt out about the bag of cheese doodles and the Snickers bar. I was congratulated about my 1.2 lb. loss as if I had just won an Olympic Gold Medal.
They try to keep the whole weigh-in experience very private. It almost works except for the fact that they have digital scales that display your weight in huge digital numbers the size of the ones in Times Square.
So I got weighed and went and sat down for the meeting. Our lecturer is fabulous. She lost a whole person, 148 lbs, so she knows what she is talking about. She is awesome.
It is really hard to get excited when the weight loss is less than extraordinary. The lady who signed me up had on a name tag that proudly proclaimed she had lost 12 lbs. I can lose more weight than that by just taking off my bracelets.
I really respect my lecturer, because I know how hard it is to stay focused on losing weight. I have been on many diets and the reason they don’t work for me is always the same... I get hungry.
The group then told stories of triumphs and challenges they had faced with fattening foods. One lady told this riveting account of a piece of 5 layer chocolate cake that she was offered and only ate a few bites. I joined the class in applauding her self-control while all the time fantasizing about what happened to the rest of that piece of cake.
We talked about goals. Some people wanted to wear a bikini again, some were getting smaller for an upcoming wedding or special event. Everyone had a dream of getting skinny and sexy. My dream? I would just be happy really weighing what it says on my driver’s license.
This really is a great program and gets easier every day. And I promise to faithfully keep at it until someone comes up with that Krispy Kreme Diet that I have been waiting for.
Until Next Time
