Even though the whole thing was flattering and could be very good for the business, I really didn’t think that the motorcycle community would be interested in looking at photos of me. To be honest, I am terrified of motorcycles, but I have always thought that Harleys are gorgeous pieces of machinery and the people who ride them are so cool.
I decided to send her a real life photo of me so she could back out gracefully if she thought I looked like a fat, old toad. To my shock and surprise, she told me they would love me to do it. Really? Wow!
I knew it would be such a good thing for our company. The Harley crowd would be great customers... they certainly understand sexy and owning a Harley Davidson motorcycle is not an inexpensive passion. I thought it through.
Before I said “yes” I decided to ask my Lovefifi staff what they thought. You have to understand that besides having very loyal people who work with me, I also have my sister and one of my daughters working with me. I don’t want to embarrass them, especially my family. I can’t afford the therapy it might take if this whole thing was a bad idea.
I had a meeting and told them about the magazine and their proposal. I expected wincing and/or hilarity and was dumbstruck when they all exploded with a resounding “YES!” accompanied by applause. So I wrote this darling Senior Editor/Publisher lady back, thanked her profusely and told her I would love to do it. I promised to get the photos done to meet their deadlines. There! I did it!
She wrote me back immediately and was very excited. I was excited too until I came to the part in her email that asked me to please include the year and model of the Harley Davidson motorcycle I would be posing on. Holy crap!
Well, there goes my idea to keep costs down by running by the Sears photo studio and having some nice photos of me done. I figured no one would catch on if I showed a little cleavage, wore my black leather jacket and looked as hot as I dare at Sears. Hell, they could have even pulled down the fake Christmas tree backdrop... I AM in the December issue, after all!
The fact remains that I like to always be true to my word and besides, this lady publisher is just a doll. I had to do this right for everyone’s sake. I set up a real photo shoot in our studio here at LoveFifi. My baby sister, who rides Harleys herself, and belongs to a club, put the word out that her sister needed a good -looking Harley for a few hours. I didn’t get a chance to really explain why I needed it, but the dear sweet biker guys who volunteered probably thought they were going to get to spend the afternoon with some hot model draped over their motorcycle in a bikini. Little did they know that they were going to get to help hoist a chubby grandmother atop the fine leather upholstery of their precious Harley Davidson. The response was immediate and I got the motorcycle I needed. I even got to choose my color and I decided on white.
Now the tough part... what was Miss Fifi going to wear? I had only a day to figure this out, so I put my daughter on the project. She is a born marketer and had all the facts. She saw a photo of the bike. Check. She knew it was for the Christmas issue. Check. She has been going to lingerie photo shoots since she was 6 and knows what she is doing. Check. I’m her boss and her mother and she knows what I will feel comfortable wearing and she doesn’t want to piss me off. Check. I was in good hands.
The day of my big shoot arrived. The most darling man showed up with this completely exquisite snow white Harley Davidson Roadking. My photographer of over 30 years was giggling as he did the set up. He and I have shot some of the world’s most beautiful models together in lingerie. No, we weren’t in lingerie... the models were, just to be clear. This time he was going to shoot me and he was laughing. I finally came on set in my first ensemble. Yes, I said first ensemble. Even though I was out of my element, I am still Fifi and I have to have a choice of outfits.
I climbed up on this monstrous machine. The bike owner told me immediately if I lost control and the Harley started to fall, just go with it. Don’t fight it. “Oh sure”, I said like it was no big deal. What a comforting thought.
Anyway, I was really afraid of the Harley at first. It was so big and heavy and it was someone’s pride and joy. I was nervous. The only other time I had that much heavy metal between my legs was when I tried to move my side-by-side refrigerator by myself.
We started to take photos. If one more person told me to relax, I was going to slap them. It was hot under the lights. I was wearing polyester chiffon and ostrich feathers that don’t breathe at all. Every direction I got was difficult because I had to hold the bike a certain way. My photographer is yelling at me to do things with my legs and torso that would be difficult for anyone not currently a member of the Cirque de Soleil.
I have been photographed and interviewed zillions of times throughout my career. I have done hours and hours of TV. I stopped doing all of that a couple of years ago so I would be at LoveFifi all the time. I adore my life as Miss Fifi. I give love advice, I help women with their body issues, I design lingerie that my customers seem to love and I am comfortable with being a cartoon. I am very lucky and very content. Life is really good.
But all of a sudden it hit me. This opportunity is magical. There is some special reason that I got a chance to be photographed in lingerie on a Harley at my age. It occurred to me that this photo shoot was the most fabulous way to conclude my life in the limelight. My last hurrah!
I did this because the invitation came to me with such affection. I did it for LoveFifi.com. But really, I did it because I preach about sexiness and glamour not being about numbers. It’s not about size or age. It’s about being a woman. I did these photos for every woman who has ever doubted her sensuality or ability to be glamorous. I did it for us, girls.
After my epiphany, I really got into the swing of things and channeled my inner biker chick. My photo guy kept clicking and I kept emoting. My fear of the motorcycle evaporated and I gave it my all.
Because I feel that this is such a momentous experience (it’s not every day you have an epiphany on a Harley), I have decided to publish one of the photos for you to see that I am indeed, a real person.
In fact, I liked the photo so much because of all it represents to me, I told my daughter to please make sure that she included my Cougar of the Month photo of me in a negligee on a motorcycle in that obligatory collage that all families do when a dear one dies.
“Are you kidding?” she asked. “We’re going to blow it up HUGE and put it behind your casket at the funeral”.
Talk about a LAST HURRAH! Woo hoo!
