There is some kind of Secret Boys Academy which you all attended, isn’t there? Yes, I knew it!
You all obviously go through basic training and have very strict rules. If this weren’t true, then why do so many husbands and boyfriends do and say the identical stuff all the time? Huh? Huh?
The one class I know you all take is Turbo Dressing. Otherwise, how can you explain how a man can get ready for a special occasion in less time than it takes to make a piece of toast? We girls have so many details to contend with while getting beautiful, but it really seems impossible that without special training that you men can get showered, shaved, and dressed for a big evening out and still have enough time to do a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle and balance your checkbook. See! I’m on to you!
It is now so clear to me that you are taught battle strategies when it comes to interpersonal relationships with women. An example of this is when a woman becomes upset with her guy, she might scream out something like “I can’t believe you did this to me! It hurts me so much that after I’ve asked you a million times not to do it, but you went ahead and did it again! I am so mad at you I can’t see straight!” A graduate of the “Academy” will look her right in the eye and say softly the words no woman knows what to do with. “I UNDERSTAND.” It’s so maddening…
It seems that you are also educated in the fine art of selective listening. When your woman speaks to you, you have been instructed to only retain the parts of the sentence that you particularly like. What a deal! That explains a lot.
I am not getting down on you fellows, believe me, but I am intrigued how you have gotten away with all of this for so long.
Now let’s talk about THE RULES. I know you have rules! The Academy rules clearly dictate that you never let a woman hold onto the TV remote for longer than 10 seconds, that you never ever ask a stranger for directions no matter how lost you are, and that you make every effort to buy all gifts at stores where you naturally find yourself. You might let your coaches (or whatever you have at the Academy) know that gifts bought at Auto Parts World and Big Bob’s Hardware are not THAT appreciated, even by the women who really love you.
Well, my handsome men out there, your Secret Academy is a secret no more! I don’t know everything yet, but I will. I don’t know whether you have a special handshake, but I think there may be some unifying symbolism to that leaving the toilet seat up “thing”. But, then again, not all of you do it. Maybe the guys who put it down are upper class men. Do you have a Graduate School? And if you have a uniform, I am not sure of that one either. Is it that shorts and flip-flop look that you are all so fond of? Oh well, I don’t have to know it all today. I have to absorb what I have already learned.
Love you, boys…I do!
