You would think that having seven dogs of all sizes and types would distract from the routine of running a business. It’s quite the opposite. The dogs actually add immeasurable benefits to the rhythm of our workday. For one thing, it’s like having in-house security …we always know when strangers are at the door or when the US Mail and UPS have arrived. Time never gets away from us too much because we have our own time management team. The dogs let us know when it is 11 a.m. and 3 p.m. That’s when we go on our company dog walks to the park next door. Anger management is no problem either. If someone gets upset, there is always a four-legged creature to hold and hug to get you through most anything. Oh sure, there are a few inconveniences. You have to make sure that you maneuver around the endless dog beds and water bowls around the building. It’s not uncommon to step on a squeak toy of the way to the fax machine.
The dogs attend every meeting. No new company policies are going to get by them, no sir! They lay on our laps or at our feet as we take our turns reporting our individual bits of information. It moves just like any other company meeting, unless one of the dogs farts. Then the speaker usually jumps up in mid-sentence, hand over mouth and nose, and leads the exodus away from the smell. We wait until the “fog” clears and go back to business. Hey, my grandfather used to do the same thing and we had to pretend we didn’t notice out of respect. Things could be worse.
I even have one employee who doesn’t have a dog because she isn’t allowed pets where she lives. Fortunately, she works here and now has seven “timeshare dogs” to love and spoil. It’s a win-win situation all around.
Having dogs that love you unconditionally is amazing. It’s just me and my two puppies at home these days. I always worried that I would end up being one of those crazy old ladies who thinks of her dogs as her babies, dresses them up in dog clothes, and carries on conversations with them. I don’t worry anymore, I am there.
Sometimes I listen to myself and am grateful that there are no hidden cameras in my house. Often I leave the room and, in assuring tones, tell Babydoll and Beau that mommy is just going to put the load of clothes in the dryer and she will be right back. It seems so normal to me, but I am positive some of you are squirming as you read this.
Get ready… there’s more. Yes, I dress them. I admit it! However, they both like to be dressed up . Both my pups have an endless wardrobe of t-shirts with stupid sayings like "Diva Dog” or “Bad to the Bone.” They have sweaters for winter and costumes for Halloween. Their Christmas outfits take up a whole Tupperware bin when I pack them away after the holidays.
They don’t eat store bought dog food. I feed them broiled chicken mixed with veggies and brown rice. Sometimes I use cous cous instead of rice, in case they are in an international mood. They go to the “Pooch Pawlor” every other week to get bathed and re-fluffed. My girl, Babydoll, gets her nails polished a fabulous color.
I never thought my life would end up like this, but I am very happy. The coolest part about having two dogs that are spoiled rotten is that I get a good reading on the men I date. What people say and what they do are very different. I always introduce the dogs and the dogs are usually excited to meet the new guy. I always tell my date that if the dogs are a problem, I will gladly put them upstairs. That’s really a lie. If a man I was seeing thought that banishing my dogs was a good idea, he’s done.
Usually they just say something like, “Don’t be silly, I love dogs”. Then why don’t you bend over and pet them, mister? Even though my little ones are jumping and bouncing up and down in excitement, the date doesn’t touch them. Red flag! The dogs know before I do that he is a phony. You just can’t fool poodles, in case you didn’t know.
I have been lucky to meet a few men who give my doggies lots of attention. This is how you tell who the good ones are. One special guy bonded instantly with my dogs. Oh goody, I thought. He is fabulous and he likes pets. He stole my heart completely when he brought me flowers and two dog toys on our second date. Smart guy! He even let the dogs sit with us and he stroked their fur while we drank wine and conversed. The dogs loved him. The next few dates were even better. We would sit and chat at my house before we went to dinner. He would cuddle the dogs and talk to them. He would even walk the dogs with me and prepare them to be spending the evening alone. He would gently pat them goodbye and tell them that he would take good care of me and that “mommy” would be home soon. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The perfect man! He was handsome, successful, charming, and he loved my dogs. By about our fifth date, he told me he had a Cocker Spaniel at home, named Duke. I thought it kind of odd that he would wait so long to tell me something so important. As I found out later, quite by accident, he also had a wife at home named Natalie. Next!
I am a very worldly woman. I have been nearly everywhere and have had experiences others would envy. There is part of me that is very sophisticated and I am comfortable in most any social situation. I am highly educated and I would be bold enough to say that I am fairly cultured.
This all being said, would someone please explain to me why I get more enjoyment out of playing “hide the stuffed skunk” with the dogs than I do going out at night? I love our time together and they give me hours of pleasure. They are so easy to be with and coincidently, they like to do the same things I do. For example, the three of us watch Jeopardy pretty regularly together. Babydoll does really well with the geography questions, by the way.
I honestly need my dogs. They provide so many valuable services besides just being my companions. If they didn’t growl unexpectedly in the middle of the night, how would I know that a leaf just fell off the tree outside? And when I can’t remember where I laid my sweater, I just look for the dogs… they not only know where is it but they are laying right on it so no one steals it. And what about my favorite place to sit on the sofa? Who’s going to move right into that spot the minute I get up and keep it reserved? See what I mean?
I hope I don’t lose any readers over all this. I could pretend that I live this extravagant life with Hollywood parties, 5-star restaurants, and an endless stream of fancy activities. I am invited to plenty, but decline most. After a long day at LoveFifi, I like to spend most evenings with my puppies. They center me, they make me laugh, and they love me like crazy. And… I am getting very quick at “ hide the stuffed skunk”. If they ever make it an Olympic event, we are ready.
Talk to you next week!
